How to Know a Person - The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen - David Brooks
Summary
- Seeing someone, making them feel heard and understood is an underated skill in our society, and we do well to figure out how to do so.
How I discovered it
- Recommended by Sandi
How the book changed me
- I thought this book was about how to know people, but it's more of an inward facing book
- i am more determined to make people feel heard, seen and understood
Details
- Good social skills are based on empathy
- Feeling seen and understood is central to human experience
- Harry Nyquist the scientist who mada those around him more productive
- The longer people are married, the less accurate they are in predicting their mate
- Being egotistical prevents us from seeing and hearing others
- We tend to think that other people are not as deep as us
- All generalizations are false
- Rembrandt van Rijn painted people including their flaws, but saw and enhanced the beauty of his subjects
- Be holistic in our view of others
- Each human has a unique point of view
- A good conversation leads you to think new thoughts
- SLANT method of listening
- Ask open questions that do not involve surrender of power or are too vague
- Culture shapes us but does not define us
- Be lingerable - good company
References
Quotes
- One of the commonest and most generally accepted delusions is that every man can be qualified in some particular way-said to be kind, wicked, stupid, energetic, apathetic and so on... - Leo Tolstoy
- Well-being depends less on objective events than on how those events are perceived, dealt with, and shared with others - Marc Brackett