Use gestures, touch or being level with someone to be closer to people
Summary
- The closer we feel to someone, the closer we allow them to come physically.
- Gestures, touch or getting to the same level with someone allows us to bridge the space between us.
Details
- levelling: if someone is standing and we are sitting, stand to be on the same level as them.
- Gestures: When we gesture, we briefly enter into someones personal space
- A touch temporarily crosses into someones personal zone for example shaking hands or a fist bump
References
Quotes
As humans, we navigate space based on how we feel about others in our environment. The closer we feel to someone, the closer we allow them to come physically.
But fear not—I have an excellent nonverbal trick for dealing with quickly crossing space zones. I call it a nonverbal bridge. Nonverbal bridges help slowly bring you closer to someone by temporarily crossing into a more intimate zone.
Bridges are great warm-ups for intimacy because you aren’t actually moving your feet or your body into someone’s zone—which can be intimidating. A nonverbal bridge is just putting one limb or a part of your body into someone’s intimate zone temporarily.
Leveling: Have you ever tried to bond with someone while they’re seated and you’re standing? It’s so hard! Try to get on the same level. I love signing books and meeting readers. But I often face one awkward problem—the table. It’s weird to be sitting as someone is standing and opening up to you. For this reason, when I’m signing books, I try to use only high bar tables, so I’m standing with people as I sign. If I must use a standard table, I always stand to greet someone and shake their hand before sitting down to sign.
Gesture: You can also use gestures to briefly enter someone’s next zone. I frequently use the “you and I” gesture, in which my hand goes briefly toward them. I also might point or open palm gesture toward someone as I acknowledge them. This brings just my limb, not my whole body, closer to them.
Touch: A touch is a way to temporarily cross into someone’s intimate zone. You might be standing in someone’s personal or social zone, but when you reach out and shake hands, touch their arm, give them a fist bump, or tap them on the shoulder, you’re getting a short trial in their intimate zone. Remember, a touch is not a whole body move into their zone, just the extension of a hand or an arm, which feels safer.
Props: When you hand someone a water, a handout, a clicker, a plate—any object they want or need—this is also an easy way to cross into their zone temporarily. On the TV show Shark Tank, all the entrepreneurs start quite far away from the Sharks—in their social zone. My team and I spent countless hours coding 495 pitches on Shark Tank and found that the most successful pitchers use nonverbal bridges to get closer to the Sharks during parts of the pitch.[*] They offer samples, get Sharks to participate in demos, and pass out the product. Sometimes they even high-five or fist-bump with a Shark when they agree. This briefly allows entrepreneurs into the Sharks’ intimate zone without being threatening. And it often helps a pitcher get a deal.